Crockpot recipes anyone (Christian Content)

[Jesus' special sunbeam]

Praise Jesus! I have a new crockpot!

So, do you have any Christian crockpot recipes to share? PLEASE no non-Christians reply!! Only Christian recipes, so no recipes with pepper, and of course s*lt is NOT okay. Also, no "suggestive" foods like c*c*mbers or c*rr*ts.

Thanks! Praise Jesus!

[Jesus]

I can't believe that my special sunbeam thinks it's okay to use a crockpot- which is nothing more than a symbol for a big ole vagina teeming with bacteria. Did you miss the innuendo about having to 'plug it in' and 'turn it on'? WTH were you thinking, Sunbeam?
Return your crockpot to the store, and then fast for one week to cleanse yourself.
Be sure to tell the clerk at the store WHY you are returning the 'crockpot'- because Jesus TOLD you to, because it is a dirty filthy tool of satan.

[Hot Lips]

Love the hair...

[Jesus]

I think I met that lady in CA, in a laundrymat.

[Phred]

We have a special recipe at my church where we use the left over communion wafers to line a pan, just two deep now, then cover them with peanut butter, bake in an over at 325 for an hour until the PB gets all melty. Then you cover with ground beast, any beast will do. Sprinkle with mozzerella cheese and put back in the over for another half an hour. Once the cheese is all melted remove from the oven and, with a sharp knife, cut lengthwise cuts into the dish all the way to the bottom. The pour tomato sauce on until it soaks into the cuts. You want this to get into the cuts so that it gets down to the wafers. Put back into the oven and back for another 20 mins or so... until the sauce is bubbly.

Then remove from the oven and pray over the dish until the wafers transmute into Jesus. The sauce will appear to be blood-like at this point and you'll have a dish with four servings of protein, the PB, Beast, cheese and Jesus.

We call it "Resurrection Pie". Cut and serve in bars.

[Hot Lips]

My two sweeties love to make something called a revelation stew. You chop up Spam and mix in some peas and potatoes. Let it cook on low for at least 10 hrs. If you are from Alaska you can use canned moose meat instead. I feel the end of days is near, so excited round here.

[Phred]

You can also make that over a campfire.

[Jesus' special sunbeam]

I can't believe that my special sunbeam thinks it's okay to use a crockpot- which is nothing more than a symbol for a big ole vagina teeming with bacteria. Did you miss the innuendo about having to 'plug it in' and 'turn it on'? WTH were you thinking, Sunbeam?
Return your crockpot to the store, and then fast for one week to cleanse yourself.
Be sure to tell the clerk at the store WHY you are returning the 'crockpot'- because Jesus TOLD you to, because it is a dirty filthy tool of satan.

Praise Jesus! I will be returning that filthy tool of Satan right away! Forgive me, I did not know. Praise Jesus!

[Hot Lips]